Sore Sunday Summary

7 Mile- Rode my bike 7 miles yesterday, oooooh yeah. I've lost a little weight since my doctor took away milk and vegetables, but I noticed a little bump in my numbers lately and I think it could be Lyrica's weight gain side-effect rearing its ugly head...so now, not only is it not working but it's also making me even bigger. Fantastic.

But my appointment with Dr. S. is coming up, so that will be good.

My legs huuuuurt. My goodness. It was much too far for my first time out in weeks...but I needed to get Herbert's birthday present on the off-chance I ever see him again now that he's at school all the time. Oh, Herbert.

Speaking of Herbert, it's his 25th birthday today. I wish a very merry birthday to a very sweet, and very darling, young man. He's a good boy, and I'm lucky to know him.

And, speaking of weight, now that I think of it, I'd like to be 140 pounds or less for Lisa's wedding next September, so I've got a little less than a year to lose 40 pounds-- which is why I'm instituting Wednesday Weigh-Ins. Wednesday Weigh-Ins will include pictures of both the scale and me to watch the pounds slip off, and information on health and fitness, and I'll try to get some other bloggers in on it as well so it'll be like a...like a blog for health kind of thing. It'll be cute. Maybe we could do like a battle of the sexes-- whichever side loses more weight gets...gets...gets, at the very least, bragging rights.

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Family Fishermen: Today was the annual Governor's Tournament...I think. Anyway, it was some fishing tournament my dad and his brothers and close friends go to every year to lose epic-ly. They did not disappoint this year.

One interesting thing they learned, though, is that not only is there something a seagull won't eat, but that they could also vomit. Who knew? Seagulls eat rotting fish heads and out of garbage cans, but gag after eating kielbasa.

So do I, seagulls...so do I.

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Pants, Pants, Pants, and Pants: Many pants do be dealt with in the household. My parents love having a seamstress in the house, they make me fix everything. I have to let out my dad's pants, I need to hem mine, Mom and I went pants shopping...lots of pants.

Which reminds me, I need to write that letter to the director of my old high school's spring musical to offer my services as a costumer. I figure, why not? It's something to do. Maybe I can even get $20 out of the deal. Shoot.

The thing is, I'm so exhausted after subbing...I'm really, really afraid I won't be able to handle everything...guess I won't know for sure until I try, eh?

Sometimes I wonder what I'd do if I wasn't sick. Like go to school for design, maybe...audition for Project Runway...or textile restoration, I was thinking about that for a little while.

At the very least my kids will have the best Halloween costumes on the block.

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The Great Curl Project: I've made a great stride in the curl project. I'm still overwhelmed with insane amounts of frizz, but Dove's Damage Therapy Daily Moisture shampoo has been a big help in the battle. I've also stopped brushing my hair-- full stop, and I only brush it when it's dripping with conditioner to minimize breakage, damage, and tangles. I shower at about 4 now, then leave my hair in a loose braid until I'm about to go to bed, when I put in 9 foam curlers on the ends of my hair and sleep in a satin cap. My hair's so soft now, and the curls are very pretty and natural looking, I'm pretty happy. I wish there was less frizz, of course, but I think there's been major improvement. I'll include a picture in the Wednesday Weigh-In post.

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Upcoming Posts: The Lion King Review, Actor Analysis: Zooey Deschanel, reviews of Helen Keller's The World I Live In and Phillipa Gregory's The Constant Princess, and the first Wednesday Weigh In.

Category 1 Saturday Summary

Category 1: It's just raining here in Jersey, still, things won't start to get interesting for a few hours, yet. Arthur and Janet live in Maryland, between the ocean and bay, so we're pretty nervous about them but we've been in touch throughout the day and they're just getting wind and rain so far. Gayle lives in an area that has been evacuated, but she says as far as she knows nobody's been leaving...Mr. Yikes, the father of the man I was named after (The Name of a Hero) lives in another evacuated county three blocks from the ocean and like, 1.5 from the bay and he's refusing to leave.

Lots of reason to be nervous. Especially since I heard the wind and rain pick up as I typed this. Again, no knowing when the next post will be as New Jersey has already been designated a federal disaster area before the storm even got here, and massive and long power outages are likely. Nothing to do but wait.

And take pictures. I just started documenting now as the wind is starting to get stronger and gusty. (4:30 pm, Eastern)

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Nostalgia Gone Wrong: Have you ever seen those old timey newspapers you can get printed for, generally, older people? Well, old-timey as in they're the person's actual birthdate's local newspaper? I saw an older gentleman reading one the day I went to visit Gayle. He was sitting in front of me so I was reading the reflection of it in the window from my seat. I like doing that. Anyway, I thought it was weird, because it's not like they remember anything from then, it's not like they can be nostalgic, remembering when that story about the bank robbers was a big deal because they were too busy being born that day to look at the paper. Maybe if they got copies from like, their 5th birthday or something, it might spark some memories.

Like, I remember clearly that Operation Desert Storm started on my 3rd birthday, January 16, 1991, because we were having my party in the kitchen and my mother yelled at my father because he was watching TV instead of joining the party. And I remember the TV was all in shades of green because they were showing night-vision footage, so for me that newspaper, or even the day after, would be a memory for me. You know, people dying and stuff.

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Intelligent Design: Returning S&O fans will notice some changes in the comments and that the background no longer looks like the childhood bedroom of Jackson Pollock's daughter.

It turns out that Blogger/Blogspot's commenting system seriously sucks. Comments aren't threaded or threadable and difficult to manage, so I switched to DISQUS commenting which looks a lot better now that the bugs are straightened out, like when the comments' font color was automatically set to the background color, rendering the comment itself invisible and the thing wouldn't let me change it. Tyler at DISQUS is awesome and I'm thankful for his help straightening all this out.

And yes, the background is much more sedate and not so vomit-y. I'm still struggling with the header, though, it and I are having it out. I'll win. Eventually.

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Intel Inside: Have you seen those Windows commercials where they're like, "Susan doesn't think she needs to update her 4 year old computer, so we built a PC store in her house!"

Seamus here, my laptop, is 5 years old and still as awesome as they day I got it. Yeah, people need to update, but don't be silly with this every couple years crap. You don't fool me for a second.

(Think it worked?)

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Mad Me: Talking about popcorn again.

I think Orville Redenbacher is missing out on a major selling point of their pop-up bowl idea. It's really convenient and I enjoy them and use them, but they're not telling people the hands-down best part of the whole deal.

The top and bottom panels of the bowl are transparent. You can actually watch the popcorn popping when it's in the microwave instead of just on slow-motion YouTube videos. How do you not mention that to people? "Not only does the bag turn into a bowl, but you get to watch your popcorn actually popping!"

I should go into advertising.

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The wind and rain have died down again. (5:00 pm, Eastern)

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Corporate Slime: They're seriously making a Charlie's Angel's TV show. A new one, I mean. Why? For the life of me I can't figure it out. I can't understand why executives, because that's who I blame, do these things. What does this say about us? No wonder the world thinks America has no culture of its own, it can't stop copying off itself for two minutes. The best revamp so far is the latest Star Trek movie, but damnit, that's even more of a continuation than anything else...

I know for a fact there are people with legitimately original ideas in the world, in this country. I have to put my faith in the fact that art will find its way through the muck but...it's still a depressing state of things. (Point Blanc)

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Not Depressing: Another from the wonder that is mental_floss: Pygmy Shetland Ponies!!!

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( 5:30 pm, Eastern) Arthur and Janet lost power.

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A Little Project Runway: And I wanted drama! Holy crap. Ugly, ugly clothes and ugly, ugly people. I'm very disappointed that Josh turned out to be such a douche, I was beginning to really like him.

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Clever Girl: Disney is re-releasing The Lion King in 3D for a couple of weeks, which is such a great idea for them. Take a classic, a movie people love, and put it in a format that people hate so you know for sure it's the format of the movie people don't like instead of it possibly being just the movie itself. Clever. Problem is it's still not going to go well, because even if people liked those stupid glasses or things cheesily popping in your face like Star Tours or Muppet*Vision 4D, it's waaaay too expensive now.

It's a valiant effort, though, Disney.

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Last Complaint: Anyone else notice the trends on the Food Network anymore? Two in particular: lemon and panko breading. Yes, a little lemon can really brighten up a dish, and yes, panko breading is wonderfully crunchy-- but holy crap, they're putting whole lemons into every single recipe anymore. It's just too, too much.

And I do enjoy panko breading from time to time, but let's be honest, it cuts your mouth like ground glass. Or Captain Crunch.

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Upcoming Posts: Just "English Food I Miss" and Hurricane Irene pictures. Please feel free to send your own images and stories to plummyjo@gmail.com

Oops...Sunday Summary

My bad. Completely forgot what day it was yesterday.

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Baked: I've been baking eggs daily now, God, it's so tasty...in fact, I think I'm going to do a recipe post and see how that goes. Lisa has a cooking blog, by the way, and it's awesome. I don't read it as often as I should, but to be honest I end up missing her too much. Give it a look, though, she's a charming girl that makes tasty food. She hasn't baked eggs, though...oh, man, now I want an egg. A baked one.

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What Upppppp: Salami & Orchids is now a full-fledged member of the Blog Catalog!! See our shiny new badge at the bottom of the column on the right-hand side. I definitely need a header picture now...I'm working on a few designs, I'd like to get something up in the next month or so.

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Project Runway!!: Holy cow, Nina's a bitch. Did you see it? The new episode's challenge was to make a dress for Nina Garcia, who wears essentially the same 2 things over and over again in one of maybe four different colors. So after the designers had time to sketch they each had an individual meeting with Nina herself where she changed everything about the designer's designs and, I think, didn't give them enough range to actually design anything! Heidi was a much, much better client that...one...time. The poor designer's choices were reduced to "sheath dress" and "pants and blouse" with sedate colors and patterns. Complete snooze fest. Especially since there's so little drama this season! The "coming next week" commercials show more clashes between the designers, and while I'm not looking for another Wendy Pepper I'd like somebody to show a little personality.

And can I just say that Anya is freaking awesome or a total liar? According to her she only learned to sew 4 months before starting Project Runway? She's either a genius or she's faking it...I mean, really, it doesn't make sense, "I never dyed fabric before but I just managed to turn a nasty mustard fabric to a gorgeous, rich chocolate"..."I don't really know how to sew but let me put out perfect pieces every time." I'm kind of excited to see how this ends, is she really a prodigy or is she Project Runway's biggest fake ever?

Sometimes, when I'm really stressed about my lack of job and job prospects and plummeting financial situation (got a letter yesterday from my credit card company...apparently I'm not allowed to make charges anymore, so add that to the list of Internship from Hell fallout), I wonder about just pulling out another student loan and going to grad school for either fashion design or library/information science...things are going to get worse before they get better anyway, so why not pretend to have a little freedom? I mean, if I did the online course for library/information science, I could still substitute during the day and make a little cash...I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what to do. Anyway, at this point I'd have to wait until the spring semester, so I guess I'll just see how this semester goes before I make a decision...anyway....

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Air Supply: The Hershey Air Delight/Aero bar is killing me, knowing it's out there so freely available and I haven't had it yet. I'll have it...in the next week, I swear I'll have it. Don't know what I'm talking about? Here (7th paragraph) or here.

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Comedy's Guardian Angel: There's a couple of celebrity deaths that get to me every once in a while, and Phil Hartman is one of them. I forget if I StumbleUpon'd this or what but it made me cry. Phil sent this letter in response to a fan that had sent a letter and tape of his stand-up in 1997, at the height of his career. The fact that Phil took the time to listen and respond like this just underlines the fact that we didn't just loose an incredible comedian, but an amazing human being as well.

Plus his analysis of amateur comedy matches that of mine and Blanc's (Point Blanc), and I can't help but feel a little proud of that. Here's the letter, and it's handwritten, to boot.

Oh, Phil, wherever you are, you're missed.

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Skunk Update: Holy crap. We've now caught 6 skunks, my neighbor's dog (Eppy) was sprayed the night before last (the night we caught the sixth skunk), and last night we saw two more. Two more. I can't even tell you how bad the back yard smells since Eppy got sprayed. It's like the stupid wilderness out here.

My mother taped a car freshener to the wall of our porch.

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I Blame Jesse Eisenberg: Whoever put games on Facebook was an evil genius. And you know who the evilest of those geniuses is? Zynga. Zynga Games actually hired a behavioral psychologist to ensure their games are addicting. And not like as a consultant, I mean they have a behavioral psychologist on staff. Time Magazine did an article on it here. Farmville, Cafe World, FrontierVille? Designed to be addicting and they produce their own publicity as gamers need to ask their friends to send them "items" a hundred times a day in order to advance in the game-- that or pay cash to buy those "items". Actual cash.

Evil. I wasn't kidding.

But, believe it or not, there are games on Facebook that don't require the harassment of everyone you know in order to progress in the game. My favorite is The Secret Plant Society, a farming puzzle game where you don't need friends. Seriously. You don't have to have a single friend and you can play the exact same game as those people with a million friends playing. The good news is that it's not annoying. The bad news is that since it doesn't generate ridiculous amounts of crap all over people's newsfeeds it doesn't get the attention it deserves. Really, give it a try.

Also, friend me! Plum Jo now has a Facebook account, and you can bet she plays The Secret Plant Society. Sooner or later I'll come up with perks for Facebook friends because you'll totally deserve them.

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Catinca Untaru: First off, how awesome is that name? Catinca Untaru. Anyway, if you haven't seen The Fall you absolutely should for the incredible cinematography, the absolutely gorgeous scenery (and I'm not just talking about Lee Pace, who couldn't possibly be more adorable), and for Catinca Untaru.

There has never been a performance like hers in the history of cinema. She was nine years old during filming and she delivers the most natural characterization...ever. She makes Gary Oldman look like a ham and Tom Hanks a scenery chewer.

If her performance is so great, you say, why wasn't she nominated for an Oscar? I'll tell you why. She's Romanian. A film's producer fills out the forms that get a film recognized by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, who then send the producer's...let's call them nominations, to the members of the appropriate branch of the Academy who then vote on whether or not the producer's nominees are actually nominated.

Here's where Catinca's nationality comes into play. How many Hollywood roles can you think of that call for a young girl with a Romanian accent?

Exactly.

So the producers don't want to give her the free publicity of an Oscar nom because, really, what could she do with it? Better to give it to an actress they may be able to use again and therefore use the "Academy Award Nominee/Winner" title where they can get some mileage out of it.

Which is sad, because if anyone deserves it, it was her.

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Speaking of movies, Blanc's got a movie review theory that's just genius. To paraphrase, why not have different critics per genre? An Oscar bait sucker isn't going to like the latest superhero movie, and the two really shouldn't be judged by the same criteria. Read the awesomeness here.

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Upcoming Posts: I will get the FC analysis up at some point...I will. And a review of Philippa Gregory's The Queen's Fool, and the baked egg recipe because I have to share the deliciousness. The world deserves to know how to get the tasty.

Have a beautiful week, dolls.

Another Saturday Summary!!

Diving right in...


Squeaky Clean: Have you ever had two liquids next to you, one drinkable the other probably poisonous, so you keep one on either side of you so you don't get confused, but one time you reach for the wrong fluid and either drink it or think, "Oh, no, have I been drinking the wrong one?" I did that the other day with iced tea and Windex. Scared the crap out of myself- "I would've noticed if I've been drinking Windex, right?"

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Amish Fostered Prison Baby: Oh, man. There was a prison special on Oprah's network, OWN, called Babies Behind Bars, all about being pregnant and giving birth while in prison. This one woman's family couldn't take her baby, and she couldn't keep her baby because her prison's baby-keeping policy doesn't allow violent offenders to enter the baby-care housing unit and the woman had been to juvie as a young teen for a violent offense she technically counted-- which isn't entirely fair, but kind of makes sense because what if she was 20 and had gotten busted at 15 or whatever, that's only five years. Anyway, so this lady was giving birth but her family couldn't take the baby and she couldn't keep it, so she was put into contact with this Amish family that takes inmates babies and raises them as foster children until the mother is released. The craziest part of this, besides the fact they were actual electricity-free horse-and-buggy Amish, is the mother was like, "Oh, they don't seem that religious. I mean, lots of people go to church on Sunday."

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Lies in Advertising: Ever see those commercials for Almay Smartshade makeup? There's a new one with Kate Hudson. Let me tell you about the bullshit they're shilling there. I'm very, very pale and I really, really hate makeup and I have strange combination skin. So I get the Smartshade Smart Balance or whatever it was called, it was supposed to match my skin tone exactly then dry the oily spots and moisturize the dry spots which, I mean, really, too good to be true. I do attempt to be pretty on occasion so I thought I'd give it a try. Lies. The stuff itself is plain white lotion which, okay, yeah, whatever, it's not going to dry anything but whatever. As I was "blending" I realized that there were tiny bits of pigment in it that got broken by the "blending" action and that's what made it change color. Clever, but it was still too orange and not remotely what they claimed it to be. It also made me break out. So screw you, Almay.

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Elton John is probably the coolest guy ever. That's all.

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Creature Feature: My dad's been doing battle with the local wildlife. To hear me say that you'd think I lived in the middle of the woods, but I live in the suburbs and we are freaking overrun with creatures. Because they're doing so much construction it's taking away the natural habitat for skunks, and because nobody really locks their garbage cans the skunks go through the neighborhood like it's a smorgasbord. We didn't really mind at first, it was kind of cool to sit on the porch and watch everything run around, but it became war when the creatures started eating the vegetables out of my dad's garden. Opossums, skunks, and squirrels have been having a grand old time eating our tomatoes and corn so my dad's been trapping them and driving them away and letting them loose in the woods a couple miles away so they don't come back. Not like it makes any difference.

One squirrel was eating my dad's corn-- and this is the first time he's ever grown corn-- and leaving debris all over the yard. Kernals, leaves, the cob, it's hilarious because it's so bad it almost seems like the squirrel is doing it on purpose. My dad made little cages out of chicken wire to keep the squirrels from getting to the ears as they're growing so the little critters actually gnawed through the stalk itself, knocking the whole thing down and the little cages off.

Every once in a while, when I walk by the back door, I tell my dad a skunk or squirrel or whatever is eating out of the garden and he gets all mad and stomps out, ready to bust some rodent rear. It makes me laugh. A lot.

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Danish Invasion: Last Monday Salami & Orchids had, for the first time ever, another country beat the United States in page views. Congratulations, Denmark! In one day we had 20 page views from Denmark alone- the US only had 14! Tak Danmark- kom igen!

...is that right? It seems too much like English to be another language, like it's just English words spelled wrong...no offense intended, Denmark. Blame Google Translate.

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I'm an Animal Lover, But...: On a darker note, I'm really sick of these ASPCA and Humane Society commercials showing images of abused animals. If I can't comfortably eat and watch your commercials at the same time, I'm not giving you any money. Not even-- if I can't comfortably watch your commercials period, I'm not giving you any money. Especially if some of that money is going to fund more, and similar, commercials.

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Good News: Project Runway is back! They really need to make a bigger deal of season premieres, man, I had no idea it had already happened. Expect more Project Runway posts.

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Upcoming Posts: I'm almost done the Fight Club analysis, it's going better than I thought it would so I want to make sure I nail it. It'll probably be up Tuesday or Wednesday. Also coming is a review of Janet Fitch's novel White Oleander...and I'm going to Gayle's house tomorrow as she's throwing a party for a friend of ours, Lisa, who moved to Florida after graduation. In all it'll be six hours worth of travel, so I may be doing several mini-posts from my phone tomorrow just detailing things seen and heard on NJ Transit. During The Internship from Hell I spent a ridiculous amount of time on the rails and I can tell you it's always eventful.

Tak igen, alle. Hold dig smuk.

...I think Google Translate is playing a trick on me.