Friday, September 2, 2011

5 English Foods We Need in America

Here in the US, English food has a reputation of being bland and weird. While I didn't have spotted dick, and I'm not one for bangers and mash, there were things there I loved and miss so, so much. 

1.) Milk        

It may sound ridiculous, but I miss English milk every day. Every day. 

The English pasteurization process is different from ours and strips less of the deliciousness from milk. Their milk is thicker, sweeter, creamier, and delicious-er. Their "skim" milk is like our 2%, their "partial fat" milk is like our whole milk, and their "full fat" milk is like an orgasm. It's the same kind of indescribable yumminess as a runny egg yolk. 

Plus, this fabulous milk makes all of their dairy products tastier as well: the cheese, the ice cream, the

2.) Chocolate

I know they look a little weird but, oh, my, so tasty. The chocolate itself is tastier (extra yummy milk inside, remember?), but, as you can see, over there they play with the texture of the chocolate more. Think about it-- our chocolate is all the same, it just comes in different shapes! Or, if anything, we just make it denser and softer in truffles and fudge. But there's other ways in the world, I promise.  

At the top of the picture is a Flake, a bar made of a thin sheet dribbled onto itself so it gets the appearance of being folded and folded and folded and folded. It's super crumbly and practically disintegrates when you bite into it, which allows the smaller crumbs to melt from the heat of your mouth while you chew the larger pieces, and therefore stopping the eternal question: Do I chew this bite or suck on it? 

Bottom right is an Aero Bar, a bar made of aerated chocolate. I finally got to try the Air Delight, Hershey's version of the Aero. Texture-wise, the Air Delight is spot-on, but I was thrown by the Hershey-ness of the chocolate. For some reason I didn't take into account that the bar would taste Hershey-y, so capturing the memory wasn't perfect but it's the closest I've gotten. The aerated chocolate is lighter (go figure) and melts easier, and my mother compared it to eating a regular bar of chocolate that had melted a little. Still tasty, though. 

Bottom left is a Kinder Bueno. KB is a wafer...thingy...with big pillows filled with hazelnut cream, the whole thing covered in chocolate. Muy bueno. Muy, muy bueno. 

3.) Pizza

I'm a proud born and bred Jersey Girl (more Bebe Neuwirth than Snooki), and we Jerseyans know our pizza regardless of Italian heritage or lack thereof. That being said, the idea of eating pizza in England scared me. Like the thought of eating Chinese food in England...England, the home of Bubble and Squeak

But then I realized that Italy is practically down the street from London, and, good was fantastic. Boardwalk pizza fans know the importance of grease, to which I say that on every table in every pizza place in London is a bottle of chili oil. Let that soak in. And up. And all over your face and the 15 orange napkins littering the table. 

4.) Fry Ups

Also called a full breakfast or a full English breakfast or simply a full English, it's all the best savory breakfast foods on one plate. Does America really need more fried eggs, bacon, and sausage? No, but...beans are good for you! And mushrooms! Tomatoes! And it's important to eat breakfast at all, isn't it?


5.) Crisps

Look familiar? No? 

What about this?

Yeeeeeeeeeeah. And you know what? Your beloved Lay's have been holding out on you. Yes! Holding out on you! Lay's, Walker's in England, gives its best love to England and leaving you the pitiful leftovers and you don't know the difference. I'm telling you the truth, though. American consumers are Lay's slutty mistress while Walker's has a home and family across the pond. It's why they're called Lay's here. 

Don't believe me? 

Walker's potato chip flavors available in England, not in America: 
Thai Sweet Chili
Cheese and Onion
Chicken & Thyme
Vintage Cheddar and Red Onion Chutney
Steak and Onion
Prawn (Shrimp) Cocktail
Lamb and Mint
Turkey & Bacon
Stilton & Cranberry
Roasted Chicken
Pickled onion...

Makes you feel a little dirty, doesn't it? Lay's has been holding out on us. Thankfully, McDonald's stopped when they brought their Sweet Chili McNugget sauce over here...Lay's is next, I say. Lay's is next. 

Now I'm hungry. 

No comments:

Post a Comment