Thursday, April 12, 2012

Knots of Humiliation

It's been an embarrassing month here. Dr. S. changed my birth control pill prescription to the much cheaper generic form of Loestrin, Microgestin.

The price is nice, but so far not worth the havoc it's wreaking on my body.

After about a week and a half on the new pills my cheeks, chest, and shoulders formed very large, swollen, and extremely painful lumps-- like boils or something, only they never come to a head, they just sit there deforming me.

And another 10 pounds showed up out of nowhere, because that's what I really needed.

I've felt so humiliated. And I know I shouldn't, really, because these are things I have no control over. My family knows it, sort of, and my friends are understanding, but I can't help but see how I look-- especially to strangers, since they have no idea, and it's not like I can sit everyone down and explain why I look like this.

Which is so horribly superficial...and then
that's embarrassing...

Speaking of, the bumps are starting to go away, thank goodness, but there are further problems with the new medicine: it's not working.

The endometriosis pain is back full-force, and by my estimation, right now, I have about 20 minutes left of upright time before I have to lay down for a few hours again.


I don't think there's anything I hate more than medicines that take a while to work right. I know the new BCP is doing something to my hormones so I have to give it a chance to balance out, but it's so frustrating to live through its bull waiting for it to work. Like the Nexium, the Ear, Nose, & Throat doctor (Dr. A.) said it would take up to 6 weeks to see results.

6 weeks? 6 weeks. Great. Looking forward to it.


Luckily it's spring break this week, so it's not like I'm missing out on work because I'm sick this time.


Patience...patience...it took 15 years to get this way, it'll probably be another 15 to get back what I've lost.

It's funny, this whole situation is like a huge knot. A hundred threads all balled up, kinked and woven. Everything's so interconnected and layered you can't begin to work on one part before you've unwound the 12 before it.

I just need to be patient, and keep working on it...one day it'll be better.


Right?

1 comment:

  1. Guillaume R. MartinOctober 5, 2012 at 12:55 PM

    I've been reading some posts, since the first. At first I tried to sympathise with your seemingly disastrous health issues, but at some point I just couldn't anymore. You only manage to come across as a giant self-loathing mess that, conversely, thinks too highly of her own skills/intelligence in spite of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, has fickle worries and tastes, and thinks of the common masses as being beneath herself.

    I have no reason to hate you personally: I have never seen you, and it's extremely unlikely that we'll ever even cross each other on the street. In short, I am not biased. Maybe you should take the impression described above to heart, and strive to change the way you think of other people and yourself.

    I wish for the best of luck with your health issues. Goodbye.

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